Mistakes were made, there is no doubt about that. Sitting here I have a movie playing in my head of series of events – of incorrect thinking and extremely poor choices that caused me stumble down the path which I eventually travelled. No matter how much I regret how things turned out, it won’t make the situation any better.
What’s done is done and no matter how badly I wish I could make amends it doesn’t appear like a situation is going to present itself to lead to that end.
I could keep going down this path or I could try to repair myself, to seek help. To assist myself to improve rather than always looking for the next person who might need a hand.
In order to have a future with anyone – to help anyone. I first need to help myself. So I’ve made several resolutions.
Lose weight.
Over the past few years study, work and mostly diet have contributed to gaining a fair bit of weight despite my regular mountain biking.
Since March 2010 I’ve lost over 20kg and hope to continue losing weight until I get to a goal weight of 85kg later this year. In total it will be a loss of over 45kg which I think is achievable. And to be honest I can’t believe I’ve been carrying that weight around with me everywhere.
My plan to achieve this is to cut out fast food, reduce meal sizes (I always ate too much) and to do daily exercise in a combination of pilates, weight training, cycling and swimming. I’m obviously not training to be an athlete or to put on too much muscle mass, just to become much leaner.
I think this will also help with my self esteem.
Seek help.
Life planning, conflict management, learning how to say no to people. Following recent events I believe I have a better idea of what I want out of life, I just now need to work out how I can get there.
Reconnect with family and friends.
Unfortunately over the last few years I’ve lost touch with many family and friends and I am actively trying to reconnect with people. For the most part I’ve found people are glad to hear from me and I really wish I had never got in that position in the first place. I need to share my life and accept that people care about what or how I’m doing.
Find financial security.
I’ve always managed to pay my bills but unfortunately always had a personal loan or credit card lurking in the shadows. I’m now working towards paying off these debts and maintaining a positive overall balance.
I could possibly go further with resolutions but that’s what I’m starting with for now.